Thursday, November 10, 2016

Open Hearted


Yesterday I stood in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. I caught my own glance in the mirror and smiled at myself, feeling so much love all of a sudden.
I didn't think about that moment, just went back to bed and slept. And woke up in the middle of the night, lying awake for hours, again.
I could get mad at myself, like my usual response has been to insomnia. But all I feel is love for myself. I love being me.
For so many years I have focused so much on the negativity in my life.
In a way I have continued bullying myself after the girls who used to do it disappeared from my life. It became a pattern so ingrained in my daily life that turning it around has been a struggle.
Not now though. Something has changed since that moment I locked eyes with myself in the mirror and smiled.
I love myself. I love my creativity and my weirdness and my introvertedness (yes, I know that is not a word. It should be though). I love where I am right now in life. It is a result of my journey and I am so grateful.

As I write this, my husband sleeps next to me. I couldn't love him more. He is the love of my life and loving him is the easiest, most natural thing in the world.
Earlier this morning I thought of how sick and tired I was of stopping myself to do things out of fear. My mind went off on a tangent of all the things I was too afraid to do, and I smiled at myself, again.
In the past I wouldn't have realized how much my fears controlled me. I couldn't hear them. I couldn't hear the full message.
The message beyond all that fear is this one.

Love yourself.

Love your insane creativity and let it take your hand right now. Leap into adventure.
It's about time.

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