Wednesday, November 2, 2016

The Weight of Insecurity

Last Saturday my husband and I went to a concert. I had my trusty backpack with me, and walked through Amsterdam with it.
When I took it off, I thought to myself, "why the heck did I bring my backpack???"
I usually just bring a small handbag with some essentials in it, and as it turned out that would have been perfect.
At the concert I only used those things I usually pack in the small bag.
I lugged along loads more in my pack. My full Traveler's Notebook was in there (for concerts I only take the journal book, the rest stays at home), my pens, a fold away shopping bag, gloves and a case with all sorts of goodies I usually to have with me when I travel, like wet wipes and lens cleaner and such things.
Why did I bring all the things with me, when I knew I was only going to a concert?
I didn't really ponder this question, but yesterday, I grabbed my bag, and did.


The weight of insecurity

I decided to go through all the things I had in my bag and let everything go through my hands. I asked myself why I needed it in my bag and why I keep lugging it around with me everywhere I go.
The answer, it turned out, was, for most things, very simple. I might need it.
I might be somewhere, and need to use my lens cleaner, or a different color pen, or a wet wipe.
Insecurity made my bag heavy and it was time to stop it.
I grabbed my pencil case (a plastic one with a banana hugging Minion) and emptied it out. I took every pen in my hand and asked myself if I needed that pen, really needed it.
The answer for most was no. I had three backup fountain pens, a couple of pencils and loads, loads more. I kept only a few things in my pencil case, put everything in it, and it all fit perfectly. My journal went into my bag, my wallet and some of my medical things and then in the end it all fit perfectly and my bag had room for more.
That's good, because sometimes I like to bring my camera. At other times I like to add my watercolors or a book to read.
My bag, the cutest backpack in the world, is now ready for versatility.
I am no longer letting my insecurity dictate what I am carrying around in the world.
I am perfectly capable of doing that all by myself 😀

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