Friday, December 2, 2016

Crash

A loud, screeching noise tore me out of my dreams. I instantly grabbed my blaster and clambered out of my bunk. I exited the bedroom into the bridge. All seemed clear. No red lights.
I cautiously maneuvered through the large bridge door into the hallway into the rest of the ship. I really needed to figure out where the noise had come from.
I felt nauseous again and walked to the first room on the right –a small kitchen– to get myself some stomach medication, a staple item for all our ships.
And there, at the one table in the kitchen, sat a man in a red suit with a curly white beard and a belly that barely fit the narrow area.
I shrieked and aimed my blaster at him. "How did you get in here?"
He rubbed his belly and said, "I do not know. I was gathering gifts into the sleigh and all of a sudden my sleigh took off and steered into space. Where are my reindeer?"
"Your what?"
"My reindeer."
"I have no clue what those are."
"You have no idea who I am, do you? Where are you from?"
"Mars."
"People know who I am on Mars too."
I looked down on myself to check if I was still green-skinned and said, "Didn't think I looked like a human. I live nowhere near the human colonies!"
He laughed in a ho ho ho sort of way and said, "You do not look human."
I kept the blaster aimed at his face.
Then I heard another crash. This time I knew where it came from. The cold storage. I wobbled out of the kitchen towards the thick iron doors with their frozen windows and hit the controls.
Four legged creatures had invaded the large space. They stood, with their ridiculous headgear on, tearing crates open and eating my cargo!
I tried to shoo them away but they somehow weren't impressed by a short, green, nauseous, two-legged being with big pointy ears.
They kept eating.
The man in all red stood next to me and said, "Sorry about that, they must have been hungry."
I shouted at the top of my voice, "GET OFF MY SHIP!"
"I would love to, but I do not know where my sleigh is."
"Your what now?"
He let his head hang and said, "You really know nothing about me. I am called Santa. I ride a sleigh, with my, apparently very hungry, reindeer, and I bring gifts to everyone."
"Do you have a gift for me too?"
Santa went ho ho ho again, "No because you don't believe in me."
"I don't know who you are!"
"We have just established that I am Santa. Who are you?"
I stammered, "I have no name, just a number."
"What is your number?"
"Elf number 5432."
"Elf... hmmm I like that... Tell me, how much do you earn from this... job?"
I sighed and said the words that had been hammered into my brain from birth, "Elves work for the betterment of their community. They do not take any form payment for it."
"I might have a job for you. A job that earns you... something you desire."
"And that is?"
"A place to work that is full of joy and cheer." I groaned. "I am not the most cheerful of elves. You need to talk to 1432 for that. He is hilarious."
Santa smiled. "I would love to meet him. Now, what do you say?"
"I will never have to spend a day in space again?"
"No. You will live with me, at the North Pole. On earth."
"Sounds quaint."
He ho ho ho'd. "It's home."
I smirked, "Ho ho home."
He laughed. "Coming?"
"Where?"
"Home. Rudolph, get the sleigh." One of the four-legged, ridiculous headgear creatures looked up, chewing on something green, and blinked with his eyes and nose.
All of a sudden something large, oddly shaped and bright red appeared in the cold storage.
"Ah there it is."
"Is that... your sleigh?" I grinned. "I like it."
"So, does that mean you are going to work for me?"
I shrugged and clenched my arms around my stomach again. "I am space sick."
"There is no space on earth."
I looked at the sleigh and back at him. I then walked to the comm panel and sent a message to my friends to come join me. Every single one of us hated space.
Santa beckoned me to join him. I did. The reindeer lined up, and then with a cheery "Ho ho ho!" we took off, past Mars, straight towards a small blue dot in the distance.

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This work by Sylvia van Bruggen is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

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